While the feeling of sadness can be very intense when we lose a loved one, and the feeling can last a long time. Generally, people will come to accept the painful reality, gradually form new healthy meanings in their relationship with the deceased person, and progressively adapt to the changes in their lives.
Complicated grief is a condition when this normal grieving and adaptation process is stalled by troubling thoughts, dysfunctional behaviours or problems regulating emotions.
People with complicated grief may perceive that their lives have been irreparably damaged by their loss. And life may seem purposeless without their loved ones. They may become socially withdrawn, or becoming highly irritable. They may also be experiencing the following difficulties:
Think so much about their loss to the extent that it is hard for them to do complete everyday routine like doing house chores, going to work or concentrating at work, exercising, attending regular religious activities
While they find memories of a loved one upsetting, they think it is good to be upset because it means they are not moving on and leaving their loved ones behind.
Feel a need to run away from the feelings and associated problems even though they know it’s not the way to deal with the situation – And they feel puzzled because they have overcome challenging problems in the past.
They may go to their extreme to escape from the pain, like believing that their loved one is still alive and obsessively repeating things that have done for their loved one, such as setting a place for the deceased on the dining table, organizing the deceased’s belongings and getting them ready for the deceased.
Obsessively engage in self-numbing behaviours like watching videos, gaming, and consuming alcohol or other substances.
Each year, millions of people are affected by complicated grief. And it is not a sign of weakness. It is not necessarily caused by mental health problems. It could be caused by a variety of reasons including thoughts people had about the deceased, unhelpful coping strategies or other stressors that come in the way of healing.
With the help of a mental health professional, people suffering from complicated grief will get to understand what they are going through and develop appropriate coping strategies.
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