Anger vs problem anger
Anger is a feeling that is usually connected to things that happened in ways that you disliked, or you perceived as unjust. It can also be triggered by feelings of sadness, shame, guilt or fear.
When we feel angry, our heart will beat faster, blood pressure will increase, and muscles will tense up. Our attention will tend to remain focused on the person whom we perceived as responsible for the incident. It could be others or ourselves. We may feel an urge to retaliate. Anger usually resolves itself in a short period. Especially if there are other things that we can re-direct our attention to.
Anger may be a problem for us if you notice that:
You are feeling angry a lot of the time, and you find it hard to calm yourself down
Your anger is out of proportion to the situation that triggered it
You are using alcohol or other substance to manage your anger
Your anger has led to problems in your relationships with friends, family and colleagues
You have behaved aggressively towards others due to your anger
How to cope with anger
acknowledge that you have experienced something unpleasant and are feeling angry
remove yourself from the situation to give yourself the space to cool down
keep breathing comfortably or engage in other relaxation techniques to calm your body and mind
tell yourself that this is something that you can handle and remain calm
think of things that you can do that would be helpful for the situation, being assertive is a key strategy
If you cannot do anything about the situation, you can distract yourself by listening to music or talking to a friend to share what happened and also chat about other pleasant topics.
As anger is often an automatic response, we need a lot of practice to develop the skills to overcome problem anger. So have a lot of patience for yourself while doing it.
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